Season of autos

Its been long since I followed up on my last post on my autobiography(henceforth referred to as autos)..and since its the season of autos opening on top 10 booklists by any Tom,Dick and Harry,the latest being the wily Pakistan Premier PM(Pervez Musharraf), I decided to try my hand at writing too(I generally resist the temptation to trouble my hands,except for one purpose..and no prizes for guessing what I'm alluding to!!).

My auto doesnt have "masala" Mushy-type..but it'll definitely be as hot,if not hotter than "In the Line Of Fire"..the Truth will be revealed verbatim,unlike hallucinations that other writers have,which they pour on unsuspecting, gullible readers who make it a bestseller even before the booklaunch.GreatBong's extremely hilarious blog referencing "From Diary of a Lost Girl: The Autobiography of Kola Boof" tells you the real behind-the-covers(sorry scenes) story of Boof, a mistress of supposedly "dead" Osama Bin Laden,where she writes she was forced to dance naked while OBL and his crony Al-Qaeda gang where busy making "bombs",not the type of bomb gyrating in front of their ogling eyes..I mean, how can people go to such "abysmal depths" denouncing a man of such high ethical values,who believes(d) that martyred Jihadis go to Heaven where they are accorded the pleasure of sexual orgies with six dozen beautiful women..I'd anyday love to "blow myself up" for that!!Pity, I was never caught by ISI "recruitment staff"(the effect of working in IT industry shows) and indoctrinated in these moral principles!!

I'm eagerly awaiting going through John Wright's auto "Indian Summers" on his stint as Indian cricket team coach..A lot has already been splashed in media, so am pretty curious to get the entire context of his Indian travails..How much did Dada kick his a$$, how was it like being cursed after each failure and being praised to heavens for each win over Zimbabwe and Kenya,why he never showed the finger,unlike his succesor who seems to have a whole lot of fingers up his a$$ after the Men In Blue's stupendous performance in Singapore??

In all this auto stuff, I think I missed my bus home(ha ha ha..)Will take leave as of now,lest its too late and people start worrying..and time to give my hands some rest!! -;)

I don't need no Education!!

The recent,multiple incidents of teachers behaving "immodestly" with their students has raised a pertinent question..What good is education if teachers themselves cannot practice what they preach??

"Education ruined me" goes a popular T-shirt slogan,and it did me too..and I dont want the same misfortune to befall millions of enterprising youngsters who enrollin schools and colleges in the hope of getting quality education..But imagine what they go through when your Science teacher says when explaining how to hold a test-tube "Hold it upright,XYZ", or PT instructor asking you to come over to his room after a strenous session in

the hot sun,asking you to make youself "comfortable"..I would never like to be caught with my "pants down" in such a situation!!

I remember those days when my "hot,unmarried" Biology Madam would request us to read the notes on "Reproductive System" becoz she was too shy to take those lessons in an all-boys classroom..Such modesty is nowhere to be seen today,even if one goes searching with a lamp!!Then,those mild comments by our English instructor drove us wild,deciphering the real intent of what was spoken about.
Gone are those days of sacred "guru-chela" relationships..Now, its the age of teachers pawing upon innocent students, who have no inkling of what fate awaits them..Is this what was taught to the teachers by their teachers?

This may be a once-in-a-blue-moon incident, but I wonder how many of such incidents go unsaid..The alarming rise in the reporting of such cases needs to be investigated.

Till then, I'll go back thinking about my Bio teacher!!

Muah...
Rahul

A world of contradictions

People who seem to know me(and there are not many who can lay claims to knowing the real Me) have been wondering about my blog title and the blog link for a long time..Why is my blog linked as "musings-of-a-nerd" when I neither muse nor am a nerd?? The dictionary meaning of "musings" goes as "contemplative,meditation"..My musings are as thoughtfully progressive as Pope's views on Islam and Jihad(read more at http://greatbong.net)..and I'm as close to being a nerd as "hamre" Laloo Prasad Yadav is close to comprehending what IT means(Remember when he was asked when he was de-facto CM of Bihar, one journalist made the mistake of asking him his views on Information Technology..and his reply was why this hoo-ha about IT..all he knew about IT was it stood for was Income Tax..and he was good at (evading) IT!!)

My blog title goes as "I Think therefore I Am", when in reality I never think,and on the rarest of occassions if and when I do,I still am not!!Or even if I am, I still dont think.The farthest my thought process goes is whether I should go to sleep at 10 pm or 10:01 pm..and mind you, this decision is not as easy and evident as it seems to be.
Readers must have this notion from my blogposts of me being a crazy asshole, which I am not..I'm a f&*(ing normal idiot,just like any other shit in the world.

Guess,this is enough musings for the day from a wannabe nerd..I need to go to sleep to think..so Sweet dreams, gud nite..enjoy maadi.

Butt of all jokes

Two news items caught my interest in TOI today.
The first concerned Penelope Cruz prefering not to remove her fake bottoms after shooting for a film "Volver"(directed by two-time Oscar winner,Pedro Almodvar),in which her role "demanded" her to have artificial buttocks.
The second involved Victoria Beckham..In one of her shoots with hubby David where her posterior/pichwada(now better known as "Chandigarh" courtesy KJo) seems to be "enhanced",she claims she was sticking her butt out to give the impression of her not having a 24" waist which would put any teen to shame.

What's with the butt?"But" naturally, a lot since it seems to be making headlines all the time.Fardeen Khan goes live on "Just Pooja" claiming Kareena has a great ass!!(Social activist,Maneka Gandhi should take up cudgels on behalf of the much maligned breed(s) of animals on which different parts of the human anatomy have been named..would not delve further coz decency restrains my "pure-as-Ganges" soul!!At last count,she had only 18 pets to care for,which includes no ass!!)

Readers query me as to why Dada(of Maggi noodles and 100m race fame) and Hakla(of MHN-K3G-KANK fame) appear to be the "butt" of all my sarcasm in almost all my blog posts..Simple,coz they don't deserve any be(u)tt-er!!Both are immensely popular in their respective "spheres",were great performers at the prime of their careers..but dont seem to comprehend when they should "gracefully bow down" before everyone kicks their a@#$...and kick very hard.

Note:BTW,I feel both have great but!$..No pun intended.

Bush's 9/11

In response to yesterday's reports carried prominently in newspapers about 70 odd researchers in US claiming that 9/11 bombings was an act perpetrated not by Al-Qaeda, but was the handiwork of the Bush government to carry out attacks on Afghanistan,Iraq and Iran, comes today's headlines of Al-Jazeera television showing exclusive footages of Osama Bin Laden and his proteges praying for the success of the holy "jihad", purportedly just a few days before the horrendous attacks. Naturally,anyone would be inclined to believe the events based on circumstantial evidence..so too am I.

Surmise those scientists are supposedly on the payrolls of Iranian President Ahmedijinad, who would anyday prefer Bush's balls than the bombs which the Army he commands hurls.They would probably display Bush's balls(I'm (S)excited wondering how would they look like live on Al-Jazeera??) and castrate him in public,but sadly their evil intentions were not to be realised.

I have some "out-of-the-box" innovative ideas to help them realise their unfulfilled dreams,some of which I would like to dissiminate.

--Employ some Muslim hunk( someone on the lines of Hakla"SRK" or apna Sallu bhai) "patao" one,the other or both(sorry no "None of the above" options are available) his twin prized assets..I mean his daughters..Cause a rift/daraar in the happy family.."Emotional blackmailing" of a father of two nubile,unmarried and beautiful daughters will do the remaining.
A similar course of action can be followed with Bush's wife and Bush's personal secretary.

--Have Bush's doggie pee on Tony's better half while the two heads of state are engaged in bilateral talks on which country to nuke next..No man can tolerate injustice meted out on such a "delicate issue" to his wife,however bitchy she mite be..Bush's dog should exercise discretion to decide on whom to "relieve" himself, however unworthy.(sic!!)

--Have POTUS (for those who don't read Grisham/Archer/Forsyth novels, or those few who read the Epilogue before the Prologue,it stands for President Of The United States) eat a pretzel..He'll have the fall of his life!!

--Make Bush drink a lot at one of Himesh's nasal presentations(its hard to decide which one of God's song or the alcohol will be more intoxicating)..Old habits die hard,if they ever die!!Do all you can think of when he's "tun(n)ed".

As for me,thats all my taxed-after-a-hectic-day-at-work-doing-f%^king-nothing can think of at the moment.Need to recharge my batteries with the weekend's refreshing break..Sparing you all till then.

Cannot think of a title!!!

I seem to be writing very frequently nowadays,courtesy my readers who send me tons of letters and scores of e-mails everyday that "spam" my Inbox..They can't seem to get enough of me..oh,I mean my blog!!For those who stopped reading my blogs because I was too busy in "sweet nothings" to update it as regularly as I would have liked to, take my word, I'll take all possible care not to disappoint u again henceforth..It feels nice when ppl appreciate something u've taken pains to do,however insignificant it maybe..
Readers gradually seem to be getting addicted to all the wonderful,so close to real (and far-from-unreal) life posts on Ittiam.

But what am I addicted to?? After the previous "crazy" post, I thought (see,sometimes I do think,and hence I am) it would be another exhibition of my brilliance to write on a topic so "close to my heart".

I seem to be picking up dope gradually..and getting addicted to smoking.I tell my close buddies that no person can be perfect, so this poor soul too should have atleast one fallacy..and I can't think of any other (Readers who even dare to think of digressing from my views are politely requested to F&*% off!!)

Besides, I'm a big sports addict in general,lawn-tennis in particular..I have to watch Federer play whenever he's live as long as he's alive,keep up-to-date with retro/metro/(homo)sexual David Beckham's latest antics on the football field and off it,Zidane's (head)butt, Warne's latest (s)ex(s)capades, the twists and turns in Schumacher's career and so on..

I'm addicted to hating Hakla,oops SRK in due reverence to the pleadings of some close fans and Dada..and can go to any lengths to bashing them..I'm addicted to Himesh and Mithunda..can listen to God's chartbusters non-stop for weeks and watch Prabhuji's fantabulous movies until I have all the dialogues recited by heart,like those nursery poems in pre-school.

I'm addicted to my freedom..I've lived away from the comforts of my home seven years now and "I need my space".
The last but not the least craving without which I would be incomplete is blogging,coz my fans are addicted to it and I dare not "break their hearts" any which way..This is where I can vent my feelings,frustrations (the latter exhibited through swear words neatly disguised as $%^& and the likes) on unexpected blogosphere roamers on any topic under the sun.

Addicted to love,in whatever form it is.
Ra@hul

Crazy Me

Am I a jerk? Why do people call me crazy?
Is it because I bet to run in my office naked if France goes on to win the Football World Cup 2006? What would have happened if that by-now (in)famous Zidane head-butt had not transpired? Thankfully,my colleagues were spared the embarassment of witnessing that "once-in-a-lifetime" spectacle.

Is it because I can listen to the same Himesh song zillions of times,playing it in repeat until the next "God" song does not hit the charts? Poor souls,my cubicle mates who have to constantly bear my nasal twang as I hum the ghost-inspiring "Jhalak Dikhla Ja" song!!

Is it because of my ability to sit in the loo for an hour or more,reading each newsitem in the newspaper/magazine..or playing lawn-tennis for three continuous hours on a hot Bangalore Saturday morning,banging my favorite 1.5grand racquet for not playing as well as I presume I'm capable of.

Is it because I plan to get myself pierced in the nose and a Nazi tattoo in the neck?Or irritated with myself in a carrom match, I hit and break the false wall in the office..or because I buy scores of DVDs and never take the pains to watch even one of them.

Or walking home 2.6 kms away at 12:30 in the night, all alone with stray dogs barking in appreciation of my nocturnal trip across dimly-lit lanes and dingy,winding streets.

Or when on last Valentines Day, I wrote a love-letter to my college mate,with the choicest mushy-cushy KJ-esque film dialogues I could envision, with a CC to my closest friend on whose instigation I undertook this weird act.As an aftermath,I became famous in my circle of pals for having a crush on that "poor" girl..If she's reading it by any chance, the truth is now out in the open and she can rest assured that this dickhead was not the least bit serious.

The list goes on endlessly...........

My personal take on this,I care the damn about what the world thinks of me as long as what I think is correct,and that may not always be correct..but if one can stand up to his beliefs,words and actions which are not in conformance with worldly norms, should one be tagged "crazy"??

I assume I'm not being too crazy in expecting my double-digit and expanding-by-the second fan-followers to post their views and opinions!!

Tere Bin Main Yun Kaise Jiya...

Its been six long years since Mummy left us..I still remember that fateful early morning when I was at home during my summer vacations after my first year at college..My mom had been battling cancer for more than a year..It all started when I had cleared engineering entrance examinations I cannot fathom how and was ready to take my first step in the big world outside.

Mummy had been diagnosed with cancer in its advanced stages..That was a windfall on our family..I still remember the days when me and my twin brother,Rohit used to fight over trivial things..One day, when we were clutching each other's throats and making a commotion as if we were baying for each other's blood, Mummy came running in..She said just one line "Kill each other, that'll be the best" and that was the end of our petty fights for all time to come.
I had the greatest family one can pray for..I remember my father taking all the pain to have mummy treated at Tata Memorial Hospital, Mumbai,religiously feeding her medicines during Chemotherapy sessions..My sisters would leave their families and work and try to spend as much time as possible with Mummy..and there I was at college,being ragged continuously for five months,penning down a few occassional letters..Sometimes, I felt like leaving and running back home..But when your parents have taken all the trouble to put you where you are,it would be a breach of their trust,their expectations from this fit-for-nothing son of theirs.

After the first semester exams, I went home for a week..and that fleeted by..I could see the pain in everyone's eyes,but was left helpless.My Mummy was a shade of her normal self,but doctors were hopeful of her recovery.Being a strong woman, she did respond to the medicines well..We all were optimistic..I remember going to the college temple as frequently as I could,almost everyday..All our prayers were being heeded to,I thought!!

After completing my first year,I was home again..I remember my brother giving medicines to Mummy everyday..and since he was doing it, i didnt care whether I should take all the trouble..My sisters and father would all day sit around her..I went one day to Mummy's room to spend some time with her..and she didnt want me to see what she was going through, so she asked me to leave..Alas that was the last time I spent some personal moments with Mummy.

That morning of that fateful day, I woke up to find Papa breaking the news to me..I was aghast,not knowing whether to cry or what..Wellwishers started pouring in with their condolences..and then my Dad said this one thing that will be etched forever in my memory "Beta, I'm sorry I couldn't save your Mummy".He broke down and so did I.

I can't pen down anything further..enough senti stuff for the day.
But Mummy wherever you are,I know our family has your blessings..You'll be there for us, though I believe I couldnt be there when you needed your elder son the most.

3rd Time Quit and 4th Restart

I did it once again..I quit smoking again for 24 long hours for a bet of 200 INR (a magananimous amount considering my by-now universally-known perpetual "bhikhari" state).Seems someone is trying desperately hard to reform this "devil"..to put some sense into this spoilt brat, but let it be known to all and sundry that in trying to do that, one may himself/herself get spoilt.

The bet happened when I begged everyone who had the honour of having lunch with me to loan me some bucks to buy a pack of cigarettes..And that was it!!The good samaritan in one of the poor souls tried to help me out by placing a bet that if i dont smoke for one day, I will be richer by 200 bucks.And the deal was done right there right then!!Who the f*()ing shit in this world would not accept that..200 bucks would buy me 6 packs of Gold Flake Kings that would last me close to a week,if not less.
The stakes were raised subsequently..If I didnt smoke for a month,I would win one grand..I was like "Honey, its not about money!!". If one reposes enough faith in you that one will take your word, the stakes do not matter..What matters then is how important,how "special" I feel you to be, and how far I'm willing to go to live upto the promises made.
Since quitting having fags for a month is close to impossible for this addicted soul now, even if I try my hardest, I proposed an equally difficult, indecent proposition to the other party(Indecent by my standards is usually like running naked in public and you wouldnt want to read the others here, I believe) which I'm sure will be politely refused, unless the other side is equally, if not more crazy as me, which I
doubt any mortal in this eight-planet Universe (Pluto was recently demoted to being a dwarf planet) will be equal to.

Then, someone tried to reform me asking me to have proper meals (Asking would be very cordial, pleading would drive home the point closer)..I don't remember having breakfast since eons and people were concerned about my health..But you know I've to keep my beautiful,svelte figure slim and trim, so this is my small contribution towards that end..My bulging tummy seems to be increasing in girth by the day, so I'm trying to be wafer-thin like Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss(Oh I love her for her dope act!!) and other supermodels.

Guess I can't go too far to live up to your "decent" expectations, but I still believe I made you a little happier by quitting for a day.And I'm happy too I could make someone somewhere feel important enough to have a say in my life in what I do.

--The reformed but unreformed sadist.

World Blog Day

Today is "World Blog Day"..Let all bloggers in the world unite and lets make the blogosphere a place where there is exchange of ideas,viewpoints without any inhibitions.
On this day, one is supposed to link 5 other blogs which interests him/her.
My list goes like this (All of them linked to my blog):

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com :This typepad blog,penned by Scott Adams,the author of the very famous Dilbert comic strip is my favorite.Like me, he likes to go over the top (no innuendos intended) in his writings..He writes on current topics that keeps readers like me entrapped.He writes about virtually anything under the sun..and everything beyond that!!

http://www.greatbong.net :This blog was one of the first few blogs whose archives I took the time to read almost completely(most of it official working hours)..His hilarious posts on Mithunda, his rants on Dada get a grip on you,though I believe he should cut down on his movie reviews a little bit. His fan base is huge, though miniscule to the universal appeal that my blog demands.

http://www.warfornews.blogspot.com : This blog by three journalists who uniquely call themselves ASS (All Seeing Spies) who are in the national mainstream, news-hungry media was recommended to me just some time back..the identities of the journalists are kept secret,but they provide you all with all the scoops,insider information about the war for news among news channels and other print media.

http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com : Maintained by a person whom I look up to, Gaurav is the person who was the chief architect of the furore over IIPM, and he stood up to what he had written in his blogs..This IIM chap writes short,crisp posts that keep you wanting for more, and I sincerely wish he writes some long,hilarious posts in the near future.

I cannot think of the fifth one right now..I've been through numerous blogs on rediff,blogger and typepad, but haven't come up with anything special other than those mentioned above, partly because technology and sports blogs are not my cup of tea and partly because I'm too lazy to browse clumsy blogs if it doesnt "arouse" me..sorry, my interest at first glance.All thos bloggers who desire to be a part of my favs list can send their sample posts..Who knows which one of you will be fortunate enough to be the lucky one!!

Enjoy maadi this weekend..Take care